“It’s okay to get things wrong”

Lucy is 13 years old and lives in Rotherham with her younger sister Molly, who is nine years old and her mum Sam. We spoke to Sam about her family.

When was Lucy diagnosed with ADHD? 

“It took years to get an Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) diagnosis for Lucy. It was a really tough period. I’d do parenting, challenging behaviour and sleep courses, and nothing was helping her. There was very little support for me, and I shed a lot of tears. I knew Lucy had additional needs. She was finally diagnosed in 2022 when she was 11 years old.”

“Lucy’s diagnosis was a huge relief, and opened up so many more doors for her. We now know that Lucy finds lists and routine really helpful. She can be picky with food and meal-times, so I stick to what she knows and likes. When we do something unusual, like travelling, I will write down a rough plan for her. Now she’s a little older, she understands things don’t always go to plan.”

Tell us about Lucy and her sister Molly 

“Lucy has lots of interests, from arts and crafts, to Doctor Who, ghost hunting or decorating her bedroom. She likes spending time indoors, listening to a very eclectic mix of music, and is quite introverted.

“Her sister Molly is more extroverted. Molly is very understanding and patient with Lucy. When Lucy is having a melt-down or has a hard time regulating, Molly will sit and wait. Molly has a friend with autism too, which has made her even more understanding and good at dealing with trickier moments.”

“Lucy has a number of friends from when she was younger, but can struggle to make friends at school and recently has experienced a lot of bullying.”

How does this affect you? 

“As a single mum on a low income, it is tough. Some days I feel a lot of guilt, worrying about Molly being left out, or feeling like everything is my fault. I recently found a group for families with children with special educational needs, which has been amazing. I can talk to other adults who understand when I say, “I’ve had the worst week”.  I even volunteer at this group, which I love doing.

“Being Lucy’s mum has taught me that it’s okay to get things wrong. And that you can’t do everything. You can leave the dishes if it means looking after yourself or taking some time to yourself.”

How has Family Fund helped you? 

“The family group I recently found told me about Family Fund. I applied for Lucy and was so happy to receive a grant for new bedding. Lucy can wet the bed so goes through lots of bedding and mattresses. I’d constantly search online for new mattresses for her, and struggle to get them home. Family Fund helped me pay for some new plastic sheets, new bedding and pillow cases which will mean we will get longer out of the mattress.

“Family Fund also helped towards a new phone for Lucy when hers broke. It’s really important for Lucy to be able to contact me due to her anxiety. She can also listen to music and play games on her phone which help her regulate when she is on the bus. As Lucy experiences bullying, if another child is mean to her, she can talk to me on her way to school where I can reassure her before she can speak to a teacher.”

“There is help out there for families like ours, whether it’s a group or charities like Family Fund, you just have to know where to look. This is why I’m sharing our story, to raise awareness of the support available.”