That time I sat five rows back at the school performance then my son caught my eye, there he was near the front while his school friends danced and clapped on stage. I saw my son sitting close to a class teaching assistant (TA), touching her face just like he does to me, his arm comes up and drapes around her shoulders, she’s talking to him in hushed tones and smiling, reassuring him.

Then that sports day as he’s sitting on the grass bobbing up and down, flapping his hands and squealing, then he looks at his teacher and smiles one of those beautiful smiles that takes you miles away.

And even that time when his personal assistant (PA) brought him home after an afternoon respite trip and as she walks back down our path, my son blows her a kiss.

I should feel jealous shouldn’t I?! Those cuddles should be all mine and I suppose I am a little but really I smile. I feel happy to catch these moments and even relieved.

My son can’t speak, he can’t tell me his favourite TA, or about the time teacher calmed him when he was anxious, or the game his PA played that made him laugh, he can’t tell me if someone hurts him!

No...I have no choice but to trust these people with my special child, trust that they will learn his ways and know what his eyes are saying.

So how do I know if they are treating him like he deserves well the answer is I don’t! Not until I catch that time he drapes his arm around another woman or gives one of those smiles then I know he’s OK.

So I feel relief flood through me, reassured in the fact that he trust’s them and love’s them.

I take his lead because he knows more than me.

So thank you to the ladies that care for my son, for making him feel special even when he’s not with me.

Read more about Nicola and her son at https://autismandduanessyndromeawareness.wordpress.com/