It's the most harrowing time of the year,

Oh the shopping was hell

And the bathroom still smells

And I'm out of good cheer

It's the most harrowing time of the year

 

It's the one time of the year that I dread

Oh we can't wrap the gifts

'Cos the children insist

On not going to bed

It's the one time of the year that I dread

 

There were meltdowns at dinner

My hair's getting thinner

The scrubbing is making me sore

We're supposed to have guests

But his brain needs a rest

And there's tinsel all over the floor

 

I've had no personal space in a week

Oh they won't play outside

There is nowhere to hide

And my future looks bleak

I've had no personal space in a week

 

We drink wine by the barrel

Abandoned the carols

The Christmas Day service was tense

When they did the wise men

He just giggled and then

He ran off with some kid's frankincense

 

So you pick which of your battles to win

They've got Slade on a loop

And they won't eat the soup

But at least I have gin

So you pick which of your battles to win

 

There are crafts that they hate

And they all stay up late

And they talk all the way through the Queen

You don't give them an inch

Then you feel like the Grinch

When they tell you you're just being mean

You're so mean

 

But we still do it again every year

Oh we can't go away

'Cos it's madness to stay

Anywhere that's not here

At this tense, maddening time

This ambivalent family time

This most(ly) wonderful time of the year!

James is a freelance writer who has written about autism for years. His parenting blog is currently invite-only, but he produces occasional articles for Metro and blogs about Doctor Who at Brian of Morbius. He and his wife have four sons, two on the autistic spectrum.

The seasonal background came courtesy of Free Worship Loops, and the music track was created by Sing Sing Karaoke.

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